The Chill (Poem: Ron Walker)

The Chill…

There are things I need to say, before my heart explodes…
And there are things, I wish I’d hear, before you turn to go.

I know the wind is cold tonight, but it’s a different chill I feel…
And words we two exchange tonight, will say just how we feel.

I thought that things were different now, you said you really cared…
We talked and laughed, and reminisced, of times that we had shared.

I know the wind is cold tonight, and you must hurry on…
But I can hear your radio, the playing of our song.

If I could change the course of time, we would not be here tonight…
Looking in each other’s eyes, and trying not to cry.

I know this wind is cold tonight, but my heart still holds a flame…
And if you change your mind someday, I hope you call my name.

So spread your wings, and do some things, just know I love you still…
And I’ll come here, from time to time, and face into the chill.

I know the wind is cold tonight, but please don’t hurry so…
I’ll say my piece, and touch your cheek, and I’ll be the last to go.

Standing as we are tonight, we seem so far apart…
The wind blows cold around us both, but it can never chill my heart.

I know the wind is cold to night, but it’s a different chill I feel…
And with this kiss, upon our lips, our parting we shall seal.

Ron Walker November 1998

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Appreciate, what you do have. (Memoirs)

It was suggested some time back, that I share the thoughts I had recorded during our hard times in the year 2000. I had included this in an e-book of poems that I once naively published (errors and all).  So please forgive the grammatical errors and formatting. It is long, but even read partially, it might be interesting. The original was all text, but I am inserting pictures here, to try and share more of the feel.

FOREWORD

  Let me begin this by saying, I am not ungrateful for what I have now. In fact, I am most grateful and blessed that things are not much worse. I have a wonderful wife, three children that are exceptional, and we all share the same roof. Well, as close as possible.

  There are those out there that share a far worse fate than ours. Although reading this will undoubtedly make you marvel at how we have kept our sanity, we realize after seeing others, that we are luckier than those that sleep under bridges, or in parks etc. Some families are forced to live apart from one another, and my heart and prayers, go out to all of those that are not as fortunate as I to have family here at my side, to assist us through the hard times.

  This is dedicated to the one that has stood with me in the dark times. Though we had times when we became upset with one another due to the extreme stress and hardships visited upon us in the last two years, we have never failed to reconcile and continue in love and faith in one another. Suffering from intense back pain, and other medical problems, she has still managed to be a mother, wife, and wonderful lifemate to me. She has picked me up at times, when I felt I could not go another step.  She has been all that I could hope for.. I love her.

To my Life mate and Wife, Michelle.

 

Chapter One

In the Beginning

  How should I start this. Do I begin with the beginning? Or start from now, and trace back. Let’s start with the beginning.

 

Me…

  I am old school. I have been in Police work most all my life. I have worn many different hats in that long career. I have been a Park Ranger, Mental Health Police Investigator, Mental Health Police Captain of a facility, and most proud of all, a Police Motorcycle Officer. I love computers, guitar, poetry writing, and romance in life. Some say I am too “Black and White” that I leave little in the gray area.

  I suppose this comes from having to make precise judgments on the street, and not having a lot of room for error. Mistakes, or living in that “gray” area, could mean the difference between, living or dying, or perhaps losing a case in court and letting a criminal loose again.

  I always try to look for the good in people. In my past career, when investigating someone, instead of trying to “prove they did it”, I tried my best to prove “they had not done it”. If I was unable to do that, then I was sure I had the right suspect.

  Although I had the nickname “Ice Man” on the streets, the criminal element seemed to respect me. I was once flattered by a remark that one of the harder cases in town made to a respected restaurant owner. I had left to go into private business for a short time with my brother. This individual came in one night and asked the owner where I had gone. He seldom spoke to her before, but knew that the officers frequented the diner for supper.

  When told that I had left a couple of months earlier, he remarked, “Officer Walker was hard on us at times, but he always treated me and the others like men…”  That has been my philosophy in life… “Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you…”

Michelle

  Michelle is younger than me by 18 years. We have never even noticed this. Years mean nothing to us. We are best friends. Michelle, before her injury, was very active. Full of life. She loves horses, computers, Martial Arts, and romantic novels of all kinds. She never meets a stranger, and she gives of herself till it hurts.

  Taken advantage of by her first husband, she was set upon a hard road. She was held back, and made to feel inferior. She supported her first husband by working while he rode the roads and played with his friends. When they divorced, he rewarded her by having a “friend of the family judge” award the children to him. I am proud to say, that she has since won them back from the abusive environment they were in, and they live with us now.

  After meeting, I convinced her that she was far more capable than what she had been able to do. She soon became a restaurant manager, and excelled in that field. She was sought after by different companies, and turned down many offers. Sadly, her injury during a transition period, ended that career. She is not sad, the management business took far too many hours from family time. She says nothing you can buy, can replace quality family time.

In the beginning…

  The time is March 1999. We are settling into a house just outside of Prattville Alabama. It is located about 5 miles outside of the city just off of the main highway. We have been here about two months, since returning from Huntsville Alabama where Michelle was employed by a major steak house restaurant as a service manager. Extreme hours and broken promises led us to leave and return to our home area.

  The house we are renting with the option to buy, is what we would jokingly refer to as the “Smurf House”. We were working hard at restoring the old place. It was located about 300 feet off the main highway on a slight uphill slope of land. You could see it plainly from the road if you glanced in that direction as you drove down the highway. The former rental tenants had mixed some paint that was left over from a previous job (they had been painters), and it turned out to be a bluish color that was best described as the same color of the cartoon characters “The Smurfs”. So we would always refer to our place as the “Blue Smurf House” When giving someone directions.

  Dreams were made, painting done inside, and many hours of cleaning made it our home. We were looking forward to the day that we would be able to purchase it and the land and make more improvements. I had taken a job with family. My nieces owned a well known chain of Pawn Shops in Alabama. Having been out of work for nearly a year being a stay at home dad, while Michelle worked in management had nearly left me insane! I was glad to be out and working again.

  Shortly thereafter after turning down many requests to return to management, she joined with me in working at the Pawn Shops. We enjoyed riding in and working together. Although at separate stores, we would see one another during the day, and have lunch together frequently. Things were looking up! Nights and off days would find us working around the house getting it fixed up the way we would want it to be. There was even a rope swing in the tree outside for the children.

  Then came the call one day while I was painting one of the bed rooms. Michelle had been hurt at work, and I needed to meet her at the emergency room. Upon arrival, I would learn that she had twisted her back while trying to move a cabinet. The next month was spent watching her lay in pain in bed. The Workers Compensation paid for about 2 months, and then after several doctor visits, and two MRI’s. It was announced that she had pains that could not be accounted for. This is after the doctor had told her that she had two ruptured discs in her lower back, but he could not find what was causing the pain. We have learned that this is typical of doctors that are “on the payroll” of insurance companies. We obtained an attorney, and found how MRI’s can disappear, and how a doctor that tells you about ruptured discs, can recount his findings in a deposition.

  We have since had an independent MRI done, and found she has two herniated discs in her back. She still receives no monetary help, and my family from the Pawn Shops have never called to see how she is doing after 2 years. Just goes to show how the mighty dollar can turn families against one another. She is currently awaiting further help from a wonderful organization operated by local churches.

 

Chapter Two

The Dominoes fall…

  Even though she is hurt, there is no help in sight for her, we try to continue our day to day plans for improving our surroundings. It will be difficult we know with one income, but we have vowed to find a way to survive.

  Not quite two months go by, and in October 2000 I have an offer for a better paying job at a major home improvement warehouse company in Montgomery. I hate to leave her each day with her in such pain, and me being some 30 miles away at work. Little did I know, what lay ahead for the two of us.

  After being on the job for only three weeks, I find myself injured… While working high above the floor one day, moving boxes of Clorox bleach from the aerial lift to a top shelf. One of the boxes rips partially open. Fearing the gallon bottles of Clorox falling and bursting, I attempt to catch the box in an awkward position. This causes a “snap” or “snick” in my back and a burning pain down my right leg. I try to continue working thinking that I had just pulled a muscle. It continues to get worse until I have to report it and go to the doctor about an hour later.

  This is where I begin to share the same nightmare as my dear wife. Although the company sends me to various doctors, it becomes a nightmare when constant interference comes from the insurance carrier. They send me to several doctors that quickly shuttle me to another doctor, when it becomes apparent that they (the doctors) are not going to be allowed to treat me correctly without interference from the insurance company.

  December has come and we have to move from the “Smurf House” because they have started not sending my checks to me. They send them to the wrong address, they send them late, they send them for the wrong amounts. We cannot keep the payments on the house.  We move 10 miles further out with the help of friends. I am trying to get some help for my injury so that I can return to work. It is cold and there is little heat in the trailer we have found. We are lucky, it is a nice trailer, sitting atop a wonderful hill where you can see for at least two miles in three directions. We can hardly afford propane to heat the trailer. We can eat with what little we have saved, but the checks are sent late, or not at all.

  I get word that I am to see another doctor, and our hopes rise. It has been a tiny Christmas for Michelle, Austin and I. It snows this year, and we were so glad to see the propane truck come out on Christmas Eve to bring us some heat. The small electric heaters were very little relief. A check had come the day before, and we got some Christmas for Austin, food, and heat. I gave to Michelle, a poem that I had written for those with little Christmas in 1998, never thinking it could be us. See the poem, “Christmas Bow…”. They finally manage to get me to a doctor that will follow their “directions” and he sends me back to work.

  After trying to reason with the doctor, he tells me that “I’m sorry, but the workers compensation called me, and reminded me of guidelines that I have to follow with them, and I have no choice but to return you to work.”  This is one day after he has taken me off work due to concerns about a “bulging” disc in my back. He wanted me off for 8 weeks to have epidural injections, and no activity. Two days later after a magical call, he sends me back to work. I stall for two weeks hoping to get another opinion and some relief from the pains. Even my manager, doesn’t want me back to work on the medication I am taking, and the pain I am exhibiting. However, the company is also “The insurance company”. That’s right!, they own their own insurance division, so his paycheck is cut by the same people that provide the worker’s compensation! He has no choice but return me to work. They are stopping my injury check.

  So on a cold January morning, I set out for work 45 miles away in extreme pain. I am taking several medications and trying to drive to work. When I reach the halfway point I have to take a narcotic pain medicine. I can barely make it to work without an accident, but I must work to feed the family. I am told that if I return to work, they will accommodate me. They will have a place that I can sit when needed, and lay down to relieve the enormous pain that sets up in my back after standing for more than 10 min, at the time.

  I arrive and find a less than pleasant Human Resources Director who gives me a task of collating papers on several tables. I suppose I can be thankful they did not send me straight to the floor to operate machinery, and climb shelves for merchandise. They do not however, provide me a place to stretch out to relax the pains in my back. After being there for about an hour. I passed out from the extreme pain. I awake with paramedics working on me. I am taken to a local hospital and given more pain medication and then sent home. I try to call for help, and receive nothing but a hard time and hateful adjusters. Reaching the end of my resources, I contact an attorney to get assistance.

  My checks have stopped at this point, I am unable to work or get around well, and yet it will be another four months before I can legally get them to start my medical treatment again, and monetary compensation. I will learn in the months to come, that the insurance companies can harass you by stopping checks, sending them to wrong addresses, interfere with medical treatment (to a certain degree) and none of this is illegal. It has been accepted by most courts as “tactics” to weed out those that are faking it, and riding the system. For a family with a 6 year old, that is not “faking” it, this is devastating.

 

Chapter Three

Nomads…

  It is the last of January, we are out of money, no propane for heat, We are providing heat with three small electric heaters that we bought. We need to look for someplace to stay. We can no longer afford the rent and I hesitate to move to the in-laws, because I do not wish to put a strain on their meager resources.

  We have managed to get food stamps now. At least we can eat, but there is no money for gas in the car, propane, or rent. I would never have dreamed in my entire life, that I would be where we are now. If not for the love of Michelle, this would be unbearable. Michelle contacts her brother that lives in Panama City, Florida, and he suggests that we come and live with his family of three in their two bedroom home there. We do not wish to move to her parent’s home and put an additional strain on them. Her father is in poor health and 75 years old. Neither of her parents drive, or own a vehicle. They rely on friends, us and other family to take them where they need to go, and to bring them supplies.

  We sell our old 1968 Chevrolet Monte Carlo to a friend for enough money to rent a storage building in town. We move only the essentials that we will need in her brother’s truck, and our 1989 T-Bird, which will be later returned to the owner since we can’t continue payments.

  The landlord, although very strange at times, has been good as far as waiting an extra two or three weeks for the rent, so although we are caught up on the rent, I leave him the entire living room suite including the entertainment center, since we are not able to give a notice that we are moving. We also leave the washer and dryer, a window AC, lawnmower, and exercise equipment. It would have been nice to have the time to sell some of it, or give it away, but the move had to be made right away due to the availability of the truck etc. It is a blessing that her brother will share his home, when he is in his off season due to it being winter. Times will be tight, but we will have a roof over our heads until we can do better.

  Little do we know, that it will be a year and a half before we sleep in a real bed again. Our arrival in Florida, brightens our spirits when we see the water. Something about the water and the beach is so soothing at times. Michelle and I awaken to a dove singing the first morning, and could think of no better alarm clock. Their son, who is 9, gives up his room for us, we have brought our mattress so that we can sleep on it on the floor. He will sleep in the living room. Austin will sleep on the son’s bed in the room with us. In the daytime, we stand the mattress up against the wall so there is room to walk around. We have two luxuries… our TV, and our computer. They are with us to pass the hours and keep our minds occupied. We will spend the next four months here in Florida, awaiting legal intervention on either of our behalf.

  June has arrived and I get a court date back home. The judge awards me medical treatment and reinstatement of my compensation pay. At this point however, I will not get the past four months they owe me. They are claiming that the collapse at work, and the trip to the hospital in January, was a “Heart problem”. Just goes to show what low tactics they will use to save them a few dollars. We are ecstatic to have this much relief! We make plans to move back closer to home. Michelle’s mother and father want us to move there so we can be there if her father gets worse and we can help them where we can.

  We arrive back in Alabama, and start bringing things with us. It is no surprise however, when no paychecks arrive in the mail. Even though they have been ordered by a Judge, the company snubs it’s nose at the court. It is another six weeks before we get another court date! Upon going to court, the judge is not very happy with the company, and orders the payment of the past six weeks to be made within 5 days. They pay it on the 7th day…

  We take the lump sum and try to pay those that have helped us by loaning money, and catch up some bills, and buy a supply of groceries in case they stop the checks again. As you can imagine, it does not go far. Without income, I have not paid on my Classic 1989 T-Bird for over four months. The friend that I bought it from however has been real good about it. I know that if things don’t get better soon, or they start messing with my checks again, that there is a chance that I will have to let him come and get it. It is the only way we have to get around to doctors appointments.

  The court orders an MRI within 30 days… naturally I get it done on the 31st day due to wrangling by the company. It is found that I have two ruptured discs in my lower back. Pretty amazing considering that just 6 weeks before, the company’s attorney had stood in court and announced to the entire courtroom, “Your honor, we believe Mr. Walker is not injured. The doctor reports that returned him to work indicate that he is not injured. We believe that Mr. Walker simply wants to ride the worker’s compensation and not work!”. Needless to say, upon leaning of the condition of my back, I am crushed. I had hoped that some type of therapy, or other treatment would have returned me to work sooner. I have never had a major surgery in my life. What started out as a bulging disc, is now two ruptured disc from the collapse at work when I was forced to return without further medical treatment.

  Michelle and I vow to beat this back with laughter and love!

 

Chapter Four

Be thankful for all you have…

  Before I start this chapter, let me say that I am not moaning, or feeling sorry for myself. I simply want to tell about what we have faced, and how we overcame it, and actually felt lucky to have it! I want others to see, that just because it isn’t new, or fancy, doesn’t mean it is worthless.

  This entire document is being written a few moments at the time. I want to share this in a hope that someone that has it rough, and wants to give up,  can see that it is possible to do your best even with little to work with. Never give up… not even when all seems lost. How strange can it get? “Can you make it through this?. I don’t know about your situation, but if this gives you hope, then listen.

  I said that I was writing this a few moments at the time. That is because all I can do is tolerate sitting for awhile at the time. I have had back surgery on three discs in the lower lumbar region. The surgery failed and I am now awaiting approval for fusion of that area. I have two ruptured discs in my neck due to a collapse I suffered in my yard, from a spasm in my back while walking with my cane to get some sunshine two months ago.

  It is 34 degrees outside. While the thermometer on my wall shows 70, my feet are freezing. This could be because this small trailer is over 25 years old, has a gap of three inches under the door, and the walls have no insulation. The joints where the wall meets the floor are not as tight in places and leak cold air. The two windows, are made of the crank-out type you see on porches/sun-rooms. There’s no money for plastic to cover them. I occasionally bump into the left wall on the way to the bathroom at night. This could be partially due to my back problems, or the slight lean to the left the trailer has from being unlevel. The trailer has a difference of three inches from one side to the other, so there is a discernible lean to it. We are waiting till we can borrow, or buy, a jack that will lift it so that our oldest (15 year old) can level it.

  Is this bad you ask? My response is always, “It could be worse!”. I AM able to sit and type this some… I DO at least have a computer to type it on… It may be drafty at times, but the old trailer is DRY, WARM, and I can put a blanket under the door to stop the draft from being so bad. I can just lean the other way going to the bathroom haha! Most of all? I have the love of my life to keep me warm, and the responsibilities as a man to keep going no matter what. See Poem “The Light…”.

  All my life, I have lived in what I called decent dwellings. There was adequate plumbing, heat, dry, and secure. Let me tell you this, when the going gets rough, you had better not be “too good” to accept less. I am fortunate that I was taught that you should strive to do the best you can. I was taught that you should not put too much emphasis on material goods. Live as comfortable as you can, but be able to live with the least you can also. Perhaps this is the mindset that helped prepare me for the rough times. Instead of bemoaning my surroundings, I accept the challenge to make them the best possible, with what I have to work with.

  Someone once said…

“I was sad, for I had no shoes…

until I met a man, that had no feet.”

 

Making it work…

  Upon our arrival in June of 2001 at Michelle’s parents home (Mac and Nina). I came to appreciate the simpler things in life. I had never really taken the time to marvel at the things others can survive with. Sure, I had seen tough times on TV, and in the movies where people make do with scrap wire and spit. I never really gave it much thought other than it was other people, and it apparently could be done.

  When I was working and we lived about 30 miles away, I never really gave it much thought of how her parents got along on what little they have. Her father, who as I said earlier is 75 years old. Had a construction company and built shopping malls and hurricane control plants in Texas. They had a prosperous life back then. Michelle was in modeling at the age of 13.  In the early part of 1990 that all came crashing down when he developed stomach problems and lost all he had. When he got out of the hospital after having most of his stomach removed, they packed all they had in two trucks and came to Alabama.

  Since then they have scrapped a living here on a limited income of Social Security, and generosity of others. When we were both working and making a good living, we always kept an eye on them and brought them propane, and food when needed. These two have opened their home and heart to Michelle and I. Upon our arrival, Michelle and I slept on a small cot in the tiny bedroom of the parents two bedroom trailer. This was no easy feat. Considering that Michelle only weighed around 125 pounds at 5’9”, and I at 5’10” and weighed 210 pounds.  Austin slept on the couch.

 After several days, we began the process of cleaning out the old 1962 Airstream trailer that sits adjacent to their trailer (about 5 feet from it). To get a layout of

The Hill

the “Hill” as her father calls it. The trailers sit about 60 feet off the dirt roadway on a slight hill that elevates them about 15 feet above the level of the road. A dirt (mud when it rains) drive comes from the road to the main trailer of the parents. It is an ancient 14 by 60 mobile home. When you stop in the drive way, you are facing the end of the trailer. Mac, her father, had painted a window complete with curtains on the end of the trailer for aesthetic purposes. He even added a real wooden planter box across the bottom of the fake window. It really looks cute.

  About 35 feet directly across and parallel to the main trailer, is an old construction trailer that Mac had converted a few years back into a livable trailer. We call this the “White” trailer because it is painted white. When he was given the trailer, it had one entirely open side. It was used for storing items on a construction site. It is 7 feet wide, and 30 feet long. Mac had enclosed the open side, placed wood paneling (no insulation) inside, and partitioned it off . It now contains one bedroom 7X8 foot. One tiny bathroom with sliding door, and the main living area that is 7 X 13 feet. There is one heater that heats it to a comfortable temp when it is around 25 outside, but just survivable if it gets lower with wind blowing. There are two doors, and two windows in the trailer, the only problem is they are the old “roll out” type that you see in Florida Rooms. Needless to say, they do not roll tight enough to keep cool air out in the winter. They do however keep bugs and rain out. In the winter you have to put plastic over the windows and doors to stop the cold somewhat.

Home Sweet Home for two years.

 Both of these trailers have a wooden porch running the length of them. The porch is 5 foot wide. At the end of the second trailer is the 17 foot by 7 foot metal Airstream 1962 Vintage. It sits between the two trailers effectively forming a courtyard area within the three units. The three “units” came about this way. When they first arrived, they had enough money to purchase the land. They stayed in tents for several weeks until Mac found a job that a person was willing to trade the old Air stream trailer for. They lived in it for a couple of years until they acquired the “white” trailer which was an old construction trailer, and Mac slowly fixed it up and they moved into it. Then after Michelle and I married, she gave them the “red” or “main” trailer that was falling apart. Mac slowly fixed it, and moved it into position by the other trailers.

  Our first year and a half Michelle and I lived in the Airstream. The “White” trailer was only utilized for the tiny bathroom that was in it. Of course brushing teeth required you open the sliding closet door, so when you bent over the sink, your butt could stick into it. Although we had a small stove and refrigerator in the trailer, we had to go out onto the porch and into the “White” trailer to go to the rest room. This was particularly interesting in thunderstorms, or freezing nights. I never would have thought that I would fit the comedians definition of a true Red Neck. “You might be a red neck if… going to the bathroom involves a flashlight, and putting on your shoes…”  I can remember nights of stumbling out to the white trailer after my surgery, to go to the bathroom. Standing there in the small bathroom, watching my breath form a fog in front of me, and noting the forming of ice in the commode.

  The bed was big enough, it was formed by a sheet of plywood across the two identical benches that ran along opposite walls. There was only an old 4 inch foam mattress however. It was terrible on our back injuries. Somehow it was nice to be up off the floor though. After spending 4 months sleeping on a mattress on the floor, we felt like we were in the Holiday Inn! We had our 19” TV supported on a makeshift shelf at our feet. The computer was set up on a homemade table at the other end of the trailer, which wasn’t far in a short trailer.

Our first Summer…

  Our first summer was really tough. Being used to Air Conditioning all my life it was a real eye opener! There was NO AC in any of the trailers. Though there

When we arrived and started moving in.

was a small amount of shade that fell on the Airstream and the main trailers for a short time each day, it didn’t do much good. Days were spent sitting in front of electric fans with a wet face cloth, and praying for some rain to fall to cool the metal skin of the Airstream, so you could breath comfortably. There were many days when you could not run the computer because of the extreme temperatures, reaching 110 in the trailer. Simply keeping the windows and the one door open barely helped. There were days when I would curse the refrigerator for the heat it’s motor contributed to the day.

  Nights most times were an ordeal. It would be so hot, that you lay in bed with the sheets wet beneath your body where your skin had sweat. A wet rag close to rub your face and neck with to give some relief. Somewhere around 9:30 PM it would cool enough that you would drift off to sleep. Cuddling or laying in one another’s arms was not possible. The in-laws had been suffering through this type of heat, for the last 10 years. I don’t know how they did it.

  We bought a small swimming pool at Wal-Mart and

After fixing the porch adding AC

put it in the front yard for Austin to play in after school to help him stay cool. Our first week found me laying in it just after dark trying to cool off.  We still look back and laugh at Michelle and I trying to lay side by side in a tiny 5 foot wide, 1 foot deep plastic pool trying to relax and be romantic.

Entertainment

  We spent the first THREE months trying to get a phone line installed. There were no lines available on this road, all of them had been put to use! When we did get a phone line after several calls to the PSC. It turned out to be long distance to everywhere! So the internet became our way of keeping in touch with family and friends by email. Dial…up…Internet.

  Entertainment? I did not see local news for the first year. There is awful reception out here 30 miles from any station, not to mention we are in a “low spot”, and we had no external antenna. My news came from the internet. It is however, peaceful and quiet out here, we have a wonderful view of the stars on clear nights, and there is little traffic if you feel like a walk on the road in front of the house. See Poem “The Walk…” inspired by walks we would take on visits we made in 1997.

  After about 4 months, I managed to get a set of rabbit ear antenna. They would not work inside the metal trailer, so I put them on the roof outside the bedroom door, and ran the wire in the window. We now have one station that we can see clearly on some nights, but fuzzy on others. We can hear some local news this way.

 “Darling, have I seen this movie?”

  That remark usually got something thrown in a humorous manner at me. It was a joke between Michelle and I. We had lost our banking account some short months after they stopped sending my checks to me. When my checks did come (after attorney and court intervention) we could only get it cashed at a pawn shop in town. They charged $8 to cash the meager $213 check. They had three movies (used) for $10, so we would splurge most paydays, and get three movies. We already had over a hundred or so VHS tapes that we had managed to collect over the years. So after many weeks we amassed quiet a collection. However after awhile we were watching the same old movies over and over. Instead of “What’s on TV tonight dear?” became “What’s on tape tonight?.

   Many times would find me standing in front of the shelf of tapes (we kept many stored in the warehouse and rotated them). She over on the bed reading a book. I would stand there watching her out of the corner of my eye. Then without looking up from the book she would grin and say, “If you ask me if you have seen the Mummy, I will throw something at you…” We were always waiting for an opening to spring the question on one another.

Unwanted guests

  If the heat was not bad enough, we would soon meet the other tenants of “The Hill”.

Mr. Mosquito… these insects came from the woods. Just at twilight, when you really would love to try and sit outside and feel whatever small breeze could find it’s way, they came out. There simply was no way to fend them off. They swarmed in by droves when you went in and out the door.  Around 8:30 or 9 Pm they seemed to tire, or get full, and leave.

Mr. Wasp… Constant visits by these feisty critters were rough. On a day when you could tolerate the heat to try and watch a movie (we had a VCR, but no antenna). You would be frequently interrupted by one or two that had found a way into the trailer (open door as someone went in or out) or a bad screen. This resulted in much hollering, moving around as best as you could with a bad back, and trying to kill them with whatever was at hand. There was the inevitable sting suffered, and in 100+ heat, it was really not an experience to look forward to.

SCORPION…If there is a more evil looking creature on this Earth, I cannot think of it. The woods here are infested with them. They are small compared to some places on Earth, but that doesn’t help my feelings for them any. About 3 to 4 inches in length, black or black with a red shine to their armor. These creatures live in dark places. They are reported to be non-hostile unless threatened. However, I have seen them run across the floor after a foot that was several feet away. Every night, you stripped the bed, and looked under the foam mattress, and checked the sheets good.

  The trailer is a very old trailer, and as it has sat here for years, it has settled until parts of it are touching the ground in places. This has also caused stress in the body of the trailer and led to cracks along the walls and under cabinets that you cannot see easily to seal up.  It is dark under the trailers, so naturally this is a nice place for the scorpions to rest during the heat of the day. It seems no amount of poison used, or type seems to deter them much. Being a species of the spider family, they are pretty immune to most poisons. I have tried liquid, powders, sticky traps, all to no avail. I once pumped so much Seven Dust under the trailers, that they looked like they were on fire underneath. I have awakened in the morning to find one looking at me from the pillow next to my head. I have had them crawl across me in the night.

  Once while watching TV with most of the lights off, one of our cats, which was laying on the bed with us, stood up and faced the wall behind us. He began that deep throaty growl of challenge. I shushed him twice, and he slowly crept up between Michelle and I. We were laying with our pillows against the wall to raise our heads up some. He stopped between us and growled again looking intently at the wall between our heads. We both looked slowly at the same time and there on the wall between us, was a scorpion waving his pinchers.

  Michelle was once stung three times in one night, and it made her extremely sick. One had crept under the covers and she apparently rolled onto it enraging it. She then stepped on one unseen on the floor while we were checking the bed prior to retiring for the night.

  In the summer, they come out after it has cooled some, and gotten dark. So sleeping was very agitated wondering if there was one in bed with you.We have found them between the sheet and mattress on numerous occasions before we got the trailer sealed up better. They will find any little crack to get in through. In the winter months, they seek the heat of the inside of the trailer. They are horrible looking, and I can find no use for them other than inspiring nightmares of the worst kind. We still have this problem today, though not quite as bad since we have endeavored to plug holes and seal cracks.You must  ALWAYS check your clothes, and shoes for them.

The Laundry

  I don’t know how Mac did it. He had nothing to work with other than scraps that were donated from other people. Being 75 years old has never slowed him

500 feet , almost 2 football fields through the woods, mud, and slopes.

down. His favorite saying when confronted by a problem is “This ain’t no hill, for a mountain climber!”. Thus, this 75 year old man trekked 500+ feet downhill through the woods on a path, to take the laundry to the washing machine and dryer that was located in an old garage where his son used to work on cars and machinery. The washer and dryer were there because the power that was delivered to the trailers was too low to run the washer. This was because the wire run from the power pole, to the trailers was too far for the type of wire he was utilizing. We have since fixed this problem with proper wiring, which is another story that you will read.

  The water was supplied by a 500 foot + run of pvc water pipe. This pipe ran along on top of the ground. It had to be drained whenever the temperature was going to be below 25 degrees for more than a few hours. The shed not having doors on it required seeing that a heating pad was placed in the rear of the washer on these nights.

  Solution: Through hard work and the generosity of others, the power problem was solved with new and heavier wire. We were able to move the washer and dryer up to “The Hill” in the main trailer.

The Power

  This was quiet a problem… out of about 120 volts, we were only getting about 87. Sometimes the television would turn off by itself due to low power. When you wanted to run the computer, you had to go and make sure everyone knew not to turn on the toaster, or another TV so you could do work on the computer. Many nights were spent watching VCR tapes on a TV that had a 1 inch black line at the top and bottom of the screen due to the shortage of power. After getting some better wire donated, we were able to get proper power to the trailers. This was a blessing!! Things were great compared to what they were before!

  One day, out of the blue, Michelle gets a letter from the management company she had worked for. Seems a new accountant had found $1400 that they owed her. The Lord was certainly looking out for us. We took this money and paid up some bills and bought the first AC’s on the hill. Three simple one room AC’s now make the trailers livable in the summer. You can actually lay down to sleep without sweating… if is by no means chilly, but you can breathe the air without discomfort, and drift off to sleep at a reasonable hour.

Too much of a good thing!

  Naturally, something has to occur that makes you marvel at the way things can happen. After so many years without adequate power, you have normal power. Then out of the blue, you have TOO MUCH POWER! You almost have to laugh! One night about two months after getting the AC’s, we have one of the usual thunderstorms that shake the ground. The power is out for around 6 hours. At least the rain cooled things down.

  When the power returns during the night, it is noted that the fan that sat in the hallway seems louder, and keeps falling over on its back. A check of the power the next morning will reveal that the power is now around 137 to 160 volts!! If you have never seen a 75 watt light bulb running on 160 volts, it is a moving (though short lived) sight! The microwave cooked a lot faster than normal! During the next three weeks, we would lose an old TV and MANY light bulbs. The washing machine nearly burned out, I managed to fix the burned out component. Finally the power company found the problem and reduced the voltage down.

  The surge protector for the computer had melted down the night of the surge, and I had to get a borrowed step down transformer to regulate the power supply for our TV and computer. Transformers that ran the desk phone would hum loudly and get hot. It was a fire hazard. We were glad when the power was reduced to normal voltages.

Mr. Wizard

Mac, and his beloved “Tuffy”

 Mac is an inventor. I found him working in his shop, that he had built out of donated scrap lumber and materials. It is about 8 by 6 foot, with a barn type roof on it. Really amazing for a man in his 70’s with “end stage Emphysema”. Sitting on his work bench, is an old electric Sears sewing machine. Looking at it something did not seem right. Further examination would reveal that he had removed the needle, and replaced it with a metal jig saw blade! The sewing machine was now a precision small metal cutter. The old machine would not function as a sewing machine due to timing problems in the feeding of thread. But Mac needed a precision cutter, something that had less blade wobble, and variable speed for minute cutting on some of his ideas. Sitting next to it, was a converted “Key cutting machine”. Not having a need for a key cutting machine on trailers that needed no locks in the country, he had modified it to become a small Metal/wood lathe! You would truly have to see this marvel to believe it!  I call him “Mr. Wizard” for all the inventions, and modifications he makes to anything and everything here on the Hill. I have always been a dreamer, but he has truly taught me how to  put some of them into motion.

“As long as I can feel you close”

  Recently, Michelle underwent major surgery. She had three procedures done at once, Hysterectomy / Bladder repair / Colon repair. She was in the hospital for four days and sent home with a catheter. Upon arrival at home, she was unable to lay in our bed comfortably (an old queen size waterbed donated, that rippled if you breathed hard, but we are thankful for it).The only space left in the room was about a 5X6 foot area at the foot of the bed. So I found an old 3 inch thick foam mattress from a broken sleeping cot that we had here, and put some comforters over it for extra padding.

  Since the bedroom is small, the mattress barely fit on the floor at the foot of the bed between the chest of drawers and the wall. There would not be room enough for me to safely sleep next to her, and not risk bumping her and causing her more pain. My Heart went out to her, as she would lie there in pain, her catheter bag on the floor next to her small mattress. I laid with my head at the foot of the bed where I could hang my arm over the end and touch her head, and hold her hand. When I would hear her stir during the night, I would ask if she was alright. She would reply, “As long as I can feel you close”.

   I prayed for three sleepless nights, that the scorpions would not find their way to her if they were stirring this early in the year (April), and cause her more suffering. My prayers were answered on the fourth night, when she announced she would be able to sleep with me in our bed.

Count Your blessings…

  Although I wish I could afford more luxuries for the children and my dear wife. I sit and count the blessings that I do have, and realize that I am far richer than the man who has anything he wants. Our children do not pout for lack of a game console to play games. They do not criticize clothing that comes from a church or a second hand store. They watch snowy television, and old movies on tape, and are glad that we have those machines to watch them on. They joyfully share time on the computer that we are lucky to have.

  My lovely wife, cares not that we do not dress the finest, but cherishes a rare excursion to town to eat a simple meal at McDonalds. We hope and pray, that perhaps it will get better someday, but better than what we have now, would be pure luxuries. We have one another, and are not doing without the basics of life. We have a home, and love. Something that many others are not as fortunate to have. So I must say that we are blessed…

Ron and Michelle…

 

Thanks,

The Cure, is worse than the Cold. It’s true.

Whoever coined that phrase, made an understatement of biblical proportions. 2 months I have been getting back on track, from being overly medicated. It really sucks getting old. I turned 66 on the 16th. Two months ago, I told the doctor that the medicine just didn’t seem strong enough, I was still lethargic and not feeling like doing anything.

So they basically tripled it. Maybe I need to check and see if there is a contract out on me. My mouth swelled up, till my teeth were driving me nuts irritating my inside cheeks. My Vision was doubled, no coordination. I developed the shakes so bad, I could have moonlighted as a paint shaker at Wal-Mart. Checking back with the doctor they found me so giddy, that they sent me for an MRI that day, to rule out a stroke. I tried getting on the computer, I would forget from one page to the next, what I was trying to do.

I do remember sitting here looking at my arm one night, and nearly panicked at how old my arm and hand looked. Now that was as weird as I ever want to be again.

After a month now, things are clearing. It was just one more bump in the road of life.  I have been visiting and reading blogs, and commenting from time to time. I’ve missed all of you, but I’m glad I refrained from writing during that time. Judging by what Michelle related to me, there is no telling what I may have written. They gave me a steroid shot in the hip, Michelle said I looked at the nurse, and told her “If that takes much longer, I’m going to start twerking”.

I’m back, I just checked the rear-view mirror and all my ducks seem to be in a row now. Some are a little off center, but they are there and following.

Ron

Our Monument… (Poems by Ron)

Our Monument…

How could I ever repay you, for the kindness that you’ve shown?
I could build for you a monument, of beautiful wood and stone.

But it could never show the world, the softness that you share.
The things you’ve given of yourself, the way you truly care.

I could never build it high enough, to touch the evening sky
The way you’ve touched my heart within, but I would love to try.

It would never match the way you walk, though it’s curves would show the grace.
Although a thing of beauty, it would remain in just one place.

Upon it I could place wind chimes, to catch the evening breeze.
But they could never sound as soft, as your voice, as you call to me.

With precious stones, I could cover it, for all the world to see…
But they would dim in comparison, to your eyes so beautiful green.

So I will build a smaller one, so all the world can see…
A simple statue of a heart, with a picture of you and me.

I’ll leave the stones and statues, for people that have passed.
Our love will be our monument, and forever it shall last.

Ron Walker July 1999