On a Lighter Note

Lighthearted Posts

So yea, I ate the damn dog food in the fridge. No, I’m NOT feeling all that well, thank you.

~ Ron Walker ~ 25 Comments

It’s psychological I know, and really hope that’s all it will be, but I feel really queasy at this moment. I was already not feeling well, so Michelle gave me some nausea medicine. Feeling better, I started getting hungry. When I am sick, I eat, weird I know.

Last night we had what was claimed to be Meat Loaf. That was the report I got, from my mother-in-law who had cooked it. It was falling apart horribly, so by the time you got enough to transfer from the oven dish, to your plate, it was not recognizable as meat loaf. It looked more like sad chili.  It looked horrible, but actually tasted great. This brings us to the crazy part of the night.

I didn’t feel all that well, and the hunger in my stomach was crying out for sustenance. There was some meatloaf left from last night. The mother-in-law had just made her a sandwich and remarked about how good it was. I rummaged through the fridge, locate a semi-clear Tupperware container that has what appears to be the mystery meatloaf/chili looking stuff we had last night. I decide to keep it simple, going with a meat loaf sandwich, easy on the meatloaf part. Dishing some out, I noted since it was cold, the crackers she must have used as filler were more visible now. I reheated the mass in the microwave, made my sandwich and sat back down on the couch to watch TV.

It was a really tasty sandwich and went well with the cold can of Diet Coke I was drinking. Two-thirds of the way through the sandwich, my attention was drawn to what felt like a chili bean I had just chewed. Also, this was some really spicy meat. It was one of those eureka moments, like when you realize in a split instant, that you just stepped in something. My pea brain was going, Chili Bean? Spicy? Chili Bean?, Spi–c….

HOLY-MOTHER-OF-GOD! (forgive me)
I just ate the old chili saved for the Dogs!!

 OVER a week ago, we had chili. Mother-in-law had a bowl, I had a bowl. Turns out a quarter way into it, my mouth was on fire. She was unable to eat her’s either. It was really some spicy chili! So Michelle suggested we scrape the two bowls together and place them in the fridge to keep fresh, give it to the dogs the next day. I’m not sure what grossed me out worse, the fact that I just consumed a sandwich made from chili she had been eating (shudder), or the fact it was nearly two weeks old. You guessed it, I had forgotten to give it to the dogs. It had languished in the fridge just waiting for me. There, sitting on the next shelf up, was the meatloaf, in a container I couldn’t see through.

So. I get to muddle through the night, hope the chili (for the dogs) wasn’t bad. One way or another, the mother-in-law manages to see me admitted to the hospital with food poisoning, about once or more, every two year period. I figure I’ll be pretty sick in the next few hours, unless I’m really lucky.

 

Comments always welcome,
PS: I still have enough for about three sandwiches, any takers?

 

Saturday and sleepy thoughts.

~ Ron Walker ~ 19 Comments

I wanted to sleep in a little this morning, after planning on going to bed at 9 pm, and finally executing said plan around 11:50pm. At 5am I get a cold nose to the forehead, from Michelle’s service dog, a massive 2-month old Great Dane. This is how she asks to go out. I tell her to lay down again, hoping I could get another 30 mins of muchneeded sleep. In 10 minutes, there is another nudge to the head from out of the dark. Then my brain starts working, trying to envision the mess that a 100+ pound dog could make, if they just couldn’t wait. It hasn’t happened but once or twice when she was a pup, but the memory, and clean-up, are etched in my sleepy brain.

Max our German Shepard met me at the door to the bedroom waiting. I let everyone out, got them back in, and laid down on the couch. Then they took turns coming over and touching their nose to mine, till I got up and fed them. Wide awake finally, I decide to come in here to the office.

What do they do? Lay down behind me on the floor, and go to sleep! :crazy:

I don’t do Spiders, especially when they need a shave. Mishaps, and pending calamity.

~ Ron Walker ~ 23 Comments

Mishap
Here we are at the end of another weekend. I seem to have survived pretty well. Other than falling down the back steps.

I had shampooed the carpets a few days ago. We have a pecan tree next to the deck out back. There is a treacherous oily sap that it secrets, which lands on the wooden decking, making it hazardous if wet.  It just so happens we had an all night drizzle of rain. I needed to go out in this light drizzle Saturday morning, and put up some yard tools I had noticed laying out in the rain.

Now, back to where I had shampooed the carpets. The cleaner used leaves a very slippery coating on the rubber soles, it dries, but is reactivated if moisture contacts it. If you step from carpet to vinyl in a hurry while doing the carpets, you’d best be holding onto something stationary. I go out carefully into the drizzle.

It has not been raining hard enough to wash away the pecan oil that has fallen. Making a mental note of that I start for the stairs. I gingerly placed my foot on the top stair and started with the other foot. The first step may as well have been a frozen pond. As soon as I put my weight on that foot, and lifted the other foot, it was over.

There are four steps, I managed to hit 3 of the 4. My left buttock bounced/impacted with each one, as if I were re-enacting a three stooges scene. I have been so sore, that I wanted to cry. Amazingly though, most of the stiffness and pain is gone. Must be my alien DNA, that helped repair my 65 year old bod so fast. No broken hip.

Pending Calamity
While sitting here at my desk, I noticed a movement just beyond the monitor in front of me. Sitting right on the far edge of the desk, was a black Jumping Spider. I don’t do big spiders, especially if I can’t have the advantage.

This one was not fully grown, and will not reach that stage if I see it again first. It was about 1/2 inch long and 1/8 to 1/4 inch wide. He was however, sitting there doing his Spider hump. Moving up and down on his legs. He was probably trying to calculate his jump towards me, but knew he would not clear the bottom of the monitor and be successful. I moved, and he moved over the edge of the desk, out of sight, great…

I grabbed some bug spray for ants and used half a can on the back of the desk between the wall and desk, along the desk, and under the desk. If he’s still here, he’s not happy. Neither will I be, if I look down, and he is on my leg, or in my pants.

No doubt the encounter will require medical attention, after I attempt to exit the office chair backwards screaming. Many of you probably recall my manly encounter with the Cicada earlier this year.

I hope your weekend finishes on a positive note. I’m going to the store for some Spider spray, and bubble wrap for my butt on my next trip outside.

Comments always welcome,

I swear! The bug was 1 foot tall and had to weigh 10 pounds. I think.

~ Ron Walker ~ 36 Comments

What a great day yesterday was, then evening came and it was time for some rest. At 11 PM, I shut down the office, turn off the TV, and stand there speaking to Michelle in the kitchen. She is about to go out the back door, located off the kitchen, to the small shop to get a box. The shop is located outside on the deck. I decide to do the loving thing and walk with her.

We find a suitable box for what she needs, and start back into the door to the kitchen. That is when the craziness started.

I’m standing in the doorway, Michelle is still on the deck about to come in. She stops and asks “What is that.” She is pointing to a LARGE bug laying on the deck, about 1 foot from the doorway. Being the all American Macho Male, I tell her it is just a Cicada, don’t disturb it, they are loud. Then for whatever insane  reason, a thought comes to me, that I should flick it out into the yard with my shoe.

These things won’t hurt you really, they make you think they can by screaming and beating those large strong wings against you, while trying to grab you with the very efficient grappling hook legs.

“Flick!”. The bug screams as only a Cicada can, flies between and around Michelle’s legs, who is now screaming and flailing madly with her cardboard box. It then jets past me straight into the house, landing on the floor of the washroom just inside the door.

This is what they sound like, for those that have never had the pleasure.
https://youtu.be/xsxKTv24ME4

Michelle is hyperventilating, but still holding the door open and screaming at me to get it out. One more flick with the trusty running shoe towards the door. The stupid bug screams, flies into Michelle, then back into the house to land in the light fixture. I get the broom and try to get him to exit the upside down dish type of fixture cover. No Dice.

So, it’s down to removing the fixture to get him, and throw him out. I’m loosening the nut on the fixture when it decides it might be a good time to exit. It makes one really fast loop around the tiny washroom, smacks me square in the forehead, and disappears. I run to the office, grab my flashlight, and return shining the light around the baseboards, between the washer/dryer, around the freezer… I can’t find it.

Michelle points at me, jumps back and screams. I look down where she is pointing.

There sits the beast on my t-shirt glaring up at me. It has been attached with those super strong legs, the whole time I ran to the office and back. Naturally, I start trying to knock it off the t-shirt where he is attached about sternum level. The bug is screaming, Michelle is screaming, I’m screaming. I’m bouncing off the cabinets, appliances, Michelle, and the wall in that small 6X5 foot space. It looked like a re-enactment of the Matrix roof scene, where he dodges the bullets.

Michelle described it this way.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PiKV8WpVSK4

Why should a bug freak out a 200lb 5’10” man? Because as a teen I have a permanent memory of one flying up the pants leg of the jeans I had on. There is nothing I have ever experienced since, worse than the terror of that thing buzzing and screaming around in my pants. I was wearing baggy jogging shorts last night. It would not not have been a pretty picture.

Anyhow, I dislodged the monster, it disappeared again. I flooded that area with Raid Flying Insect Spray till the room was a fog. Hopefully that got him, if not? I need to keep my phone handy to video it, if it makes an appearance and runs into grandma in the kitchen. It would go viral I’m sure.

Here are some facts for those that are not familiar with Cicadas. Apparently there are some people that like those things.

I really hope he has fallen behind the washer never to be seen again. I do not want to be watching one of the shows about haunted houses, and that thing lands in my lap.

Comments always welcome,