humor

“Wacky Week News” in the Trailer Park.

~ Ron Walker ~ 38 Comments

After a long dry spell of no disturbances here in the park to speak of, this week decided it would break the blessed peace we had enjoyed. I should have known something was changing when the moon was still visible at 7am a couple of mornings. It’s not full, actually it is waning. Then there has been extra solar activity this week, maybe that’s it. Extra solar rays agitating the weak-minded.

The weirdness was confirmed as starting Tuesday when the park owner (that I call The Troll) came by on his riding mower. You can search for Troll on the Blog and get a sense of him. He’s elderly (very). He pulled alongside the fence on the road where I was working in the yard and spoke to me. I keep our place straight, I don’t like undue attention from anyone. You would think I was in a witness protection program. Naturally my first thought as he pulled up and cut the engine to the mower was, “I wonder what’s wrong now.”

I have since pressure washed my trailer

It turns out he was in a good mood and wanted to compliment me on how my yard looks. He asks, “Did you have your trailer painted?” I look over my shoulder at the light green algae that has started to grow all along this north side. “No, but I did pressure wash it last year.” I replied. Apparently he was trying to be nice for a change. I had been told he can’t see very well, He thanked me for being a great homeowner, fires up his mower, and with a wave he’s gone. I have since pressure washed my trailer.

The lady across the narrow park street got fired up once again Tuesday night over something, usually arguing with her grand-daughter that lives with her. She lets her two dogs out in her fenced yard to poop and bark. Then she comes to the back door that faces my place and dog cusses them (no pun intended) until they give up and come in the house.

The Pitt decides to try and eat a couple neighborhood Cats

Wednesday the church Sunday school class held their weekly meeting on the front porch of the trailer next door to the dog lady above. Someone in the group of 10 or so people thought it would be a great idea to bring a highly excited Pitt Bull with them. Now this is at the house where “Otis” lives. You may remember me mentioning Otis in an earlier post. The Pitt decides to try and eat a couple of neighborhood cats, he didn’t succeed, and nearly bit a kid, which prompted the Sheriff to be called.

The idiot confesses to the Sheriff

Thursday two doors down from us, the two neighbors that have had a running feud for the last year started up again. He was cussing and threatening to kill her and her dogs. She left, went to another residence in the park and called the Sheriffs. Now the funniest part is they were due to be in court today, Friday, because she signed a warrant for threats a month ago. The idiot confesses to the Sheriff that he did say he would kill her and her dogs. They put the confession in the police report.

The guy is a real piece of work. He flies a Confederate Flag in the very front of his yard near the street. He must be so proud. I stepped outside to get a picture to share. A little blurry since I had to zoom in. You can’t see his camper he lives in with his massive Rottweiler, but it is back and to the left of that flag nestled in between the two other trailers  and behind the boat that you see. The farthest trailer with the wooden fence is the one where the lady he threatened to kill lives.

 

Anyway, this is my first AND last time living in a trailer park. In a few months we will move this double wide to some private land and enjoy country peace. At least I don’t really feel like I live “In” the trailer park as we are out front next to the highway and on the corner. I at least feel like the park is behind us.

It is Friday night and I wonder if anything really weird will happen. Do you have crazy neighbors, or have you lived in a trailer park?

Comments welcome,

Karma working over time, I love it.

~ Ron Walker ~ 12 Comments

I know, it’s not nice to laugh at someone’s misfortune. It seems as if I read somewhere that there was a rule, that ‘if they asked for it’ then it was okay to giggle if Karma stepped in. I could be wrong, but I smiled and snickered anyway. Many times it takes so long for karma to get through its extensive list of well deserving recipients, that we think it is never going to happen.

Then there are the times when you are blessed to witness the dolling out of long overdue payback. Today was one of those. We have a new person here in the park that has apparently acquired a small 4 cylinder vehicle with a very loud (or no) muffler. It also barely runs. This necessitates having to rev up the engine for enough power to drag it forwards. 11PM is not a good time to be testing out your latest anemic street-racer.

Karma must have been close by this morning.

This morning around 7:30AM he decides to test it once again. As he takes off down the road, making more noise than speed, there is a loud noise and smoke begins to pour out behind it. About an hour later we see it being towed into the park on a tow-strap behind another worn out looking vehicle. Karma must have been close by this morning.

I have a neighbor that is a great guy, hard worker, about 30 years old. He just for whatever reason doesn’t follow requests well. My German Shepherd Max has been trained by me not to jump up and lean on the fence. I have kindly asked the guy to please not call Max to the fence and get him to jump up so he can pet him. At that point he always remembers and apologizes.

Can anyone see where this is going?

This morning I hear Max barking excitedly, I step to the window to check on him. There is the neighbor leaning over the fence. He has Max’s long, cylinder shaped, orange plastic toy, that has an 12-inch rope on one end. Now the neighbor has a two handed grip on the plastic toy. Max who is 87lbs has a death grip on the rope end pulling with all his might. The neighbor is playing tug-o-war (something we have also asked him not to do) with Max. Can anyone see where this is going?

Max’s Toy

The guy is leaning over the fence pulling hard to get Max to release the toy. He has it in a double hand grip with the round blunt end pointed at his face… You guessed it, Max releases his grip and the toy flies into the guy’s nose, HARD. He staggers back against his fence that is only about 2 feet behind him. He looked like he was going to pass out but grabbed the fence and stood there dabbing at his nose. It must have been a very hard impact. He looks around to see if anyone may have seen his misfortune. He staggered as he went back to his house.

So Karma apparently had a sense of humor today and stuck around for a double header. The days not over either!

Comments welcome,

 

I have one Phobia, it’s a bright one.

~ Ron Walker ~ 15 Comments

I used to have two things that drove me nuts. Some call them phobias? A metal Rake on concrete was as bad as fingernails on a chalk board. Spiders. Spiders were my nemesis, I couldn’t touch one on a page. I outgrew those as I aged, gracefully I might add.

As adulthood overtook me, I discovered another strange quirk. “Light-bulbs when they blow out.”

I have tried to diagnose this reaction, or fear, of bulbs that go out. Generally they go out with a brilliant flash of blue, sometimes accompanied by a popping sound. Some bulbs expire gracefully, with just a quick dimming to nothingness.

Is it an ancient primal fear of lightning striking my caveman ancestors? Whatever it is always, always, results in me jumping half out of my skin. Sometimes dropping whatever I have in my hands and uttering a couple not so nice words (colorful metaphors). Michelle thinks this is humorous if she is nearby.

So if someone ever wanted to make me talk, all they would need is a bank of light bulbs that can be rigged to blow out, one at the time on demand. I’ll sing like a Canary.

Comments welcome,

Noise pollution.

~ Ron Walker ~ 16 Comments

Today there was an accident on the Interstate north of us about 12 miles north of us. Traffic was diverted from the Interstate onto our highway. About 3 miles past us southbound is the next on-ramp for the Interstate. Traffic has been at a crawl out front since 3PM and it is now 8PM.

Accompanying this slow, very slow, procession of traffic are the large trucks hauling goods or pulp-wood. They seem to delight in using the exhaust bypass called a Jake brake. I have blogged on this before, calling them Whoopee cushions on wheels. Some of them are loud, some rattle the windows, evoking memories of youth testing the theory of hearing loss as we stood in front of giant speakers at a concert.

The day would not be complete without the regular traffic heading in the opposite direction. Many of which have just sat through a congested intersection and are ready to speed their way homeward. They are the 4 wheel Redneck version of Noise Pollution. Of course, I have written about them in the past. These people are just a tad old in my opinion, to be making noise just for the sake of making noise!

Comments welcome,