Ever had one of those weeks, where everything was eerily quiet, almost boring? That was my past week. My brain devoid of thoughts to put into type.
Then the morning started.
Looking back, l should have seen the wee hours incident as a portent to this morning. I was awakened by Michelle shouting in her sleep. She’s facing away from me, so like a loving husband, I gently take her shoulder and pull her to roll towards me to comfort her. She looks at me, then releases a blood-curdling scream. After she apparently reaches full awake, I ask what is wrong.
“I opened my eyes and looked at you, you looked 40 years older!”
Now I’m stumped, it’s around 2 am, I was just awakened by loud talking, my wife looks
at me and screams. She scares the bejesus (is that even a word?) out of me, and probably the neighbors two doors down. The 2 little dogs that are sleeping in the bed scatter in different directions barking loudly, Reason? “I opened my eyes and looked at you, you looked 40 years older!”
Okay, so, I’m 65. Some say I look more like 50 but they are being kind. I was either good-looking in her dream, or I REALLY look horrible at 105! Either way the crisis is resolved. She’s back to sleep in 30 seconds, I lay there 30 minutes wondering what I look like at 105. It can’t be good.
The morning finally arrives. It’s Saturday, 6:30 am.
I usually awaken around 5 am, on this morning I must have been enjoying some much-needed sleep, after the rapid aging I suffered in the night. There is what sounds like an industrial car crusher operating outside. Stumbling to a window I find out it is “David” our maintenance man cutting grass early. I have spoken to him and find him a simple but likable man. He works hard around the trailer park. On this morning he is operating his riding mower that is pieced together from many parts. He did however forget one part, the muffler!
The sound of a pet retching, should be an alarm sound.
The morning is going well as I sit here in the man-cave-computer room reading blogs. I’m trying to be very quiet this morning, since Michelle is recovering from having injections in her back yesterday. Then there is the sound. I have mentioned before how the sound of a pet retching, should be an alarm sound. Nothing will motivate you faster than to hear that while you are sleeping. Reboot is sitting on a very large guitar amplifier, making pitiful sounds like she has swallowed a plunger, which is trying to bring something up from her depths.
Max, our German Shepherd is showing his concern but poking her with his rather large nose
. She answers with a swipe of a paw, which elicits a loud yelp. Staying quiet so as not to wake the entire house is no longer a viable option. I scoop her up and attempt to rush to the nearest potty pad at the back door. We don’t make it.
I dash to the kitchen to grab some paper towels for the cleanup.
Fortunately it is a very small amount she deposited on the floor just outside the office. The paper towel rack is, empty. No one EVER reloads it. So I’m in a hurry, trying to be quiet, and I drop the wooden rod that holds the towels suspended horizontally under the cabinet. Funny how things seem to slow down to a crawl when you know something bad is about to happen. The one-inch thick, several inch long rod falls so slowly it seems, then hits the floor and proceeds to bounce back and forth end to end as if it were possessed, performing a drum solo on the bare hardwood floor.
Getting the towels installed on the rack, hindsight reveals I should have just grabbed some towels and taken care of the mess first. I turn to see Max creeping up on the spot as if it were prey. I’m trying to admonish him from 25 feet away in a strong whisper “No!” He had his selective hearing on apparently. That is when my plunger started trying to work in my stomach.
Comments always welcome,
I know it wasn’t amusing at the time, but I laughed aloud at the possessed rod doing a drum solo on the wooden floor. Oh, my! What a racket!
True, it is never as amusing as it happens as when we look back on it. I love looking back and laughing at it. The rod certainly made a racket in a quiet house this morning. Thanks for your comment Anne.
Yep, sounds familiar. I like to get it cleaned up fast. If it’s food and not very digested, Hazel will scavenger anything. Gross! Barf, not so bad. When Hazel gets projectile diarrhea, I need clothespins for my nose and rose colored glasses.
Oh yes, Yuck! I can handle what comes out of the end with the ears, but the wagging end bothers me. Thanks for the comment Kate.
I’m sorry Ron, but I selfishly chuckled and smiled a lot while reading about your misadventures. 🙂 If your 105 yrs old, your wife better be careful scaring you like that. 🙂 Thanks for making me smile this morning.
That’s what I enjoy, taking things and turning them into laughter. Thank you for the comment, that makes my day.
Sometimes it’s better to just go back to bed. I remember that retching sound when I had my kitty. She was usually on my bed and I couldn’t – and often didn’t – get her off quick enough. A fighter jet screeming through my bedroom couldn’t have waken me up faster.
I think some of us should seriously market a special alarm clock for pet owners with the retching sound. The commercials for it may be a bit strange though. Thanks for the comment, the fighter jet was a good laugh.
Haha, this is hilarious! Er… not that I am without compassion as well. One hates to deal with these things, especially in the middle of the night or in the morning!
This post – well, one item in particular – reminded me SO much of one I did a while back. Here’s the link. Enjoy! https://crossedeyesanddottedtees.wordpress.com/2015/12/06/five-sounds-i-would-rather-not-hear/
I just read your post and it was hilarious. Thanks for a great laugh. I love laughing at myself. While it may not be that funny at the moment, I always look back and try to smile. Thanks for the comment.
BLOOP bloop! ???
Yes, I’m sorry, it was the Bloop, bloop post “Sounds I would rather not hear.” from your link in your comment here. My mind was somewhere else. Michelle said pork chops for dinner, and my brain was salivating.
It just dawned on me that I had mentioned the barfing sound a just a short time ago. https://ronscountry.com/depotblog/halfway-through-the-week-will-i-survive-sure-i-will/
Thanks for another great laugh Ellie!
Ah yes – the retching dog! We should patent these sounds for alarm clocks, right? We could make a mint! NOT! BTW those 3 question marks after my BLOOP bloop comment up there? Mistake! I think they were supposed to be exclamation marks like this!!! ???
Sounds like a dog day to me.
Looking back it seems you are correct Joe. It was certainly a dog day. Thanks for the comment this afternoon.
You know the old saying,”Been there, done that.” Had a similar night prior to leaving for CT this AM. I’ll save it for a blog. Sleep well tonight.
I know that saying well. Looking forward to reading it one day. Thank you for the comment and have a safe trip back when you come.
From where I sit, that sounds like a very normal day for a 65 year-old married man and dog-owner.
I am wondering if you have CCTV installed in our house! 🙂
Best wishes, Pete.
As a matter of fact, I have 4 wireless cameras, 3 outside and 1 inside. 🙂 These two dogs can get quite comical at times. Other times they just take up space on the floor. Thanks for the comment Pete.
That is a very cute picture of your dog! You gave me a laugh, thanks. As far as pet vomit goes, better you than me! Ha! Really though, I have three cats so I understand the alarm.
Thanks so much for the comment, always a pleasure to see you. Have a great Sunday.
I like your Blog! Add mine too! Kisses!
Thanks for the comment Nilma.
My empathy! Hope your more recent nights and mornings have been more peaceful. Since I’m currently sturggling with a cat that I think (pray) has food allergies that sound has become a many times a day reframe in the house lately. Hoping it is an allergy and that we have solved the problem. I will say though that hearing my Lab or Shepherd (in years gone by) start to heave was infitely worse. My Shepherd was a sweety though, always asked to go out to vomit, only furry person I ever lived with who was that thoughtful. Even if it meant trying to wake me up to make a head long dash downstairs, through three doors and across a deck he did his very best to wait.
We used to have a Doberman like that, they are indeed rare. Thanks for the great comment, enjoy the rest of your weekend.
I am laughing out loud – this post – OMG – you are such a great writer!
Thank you so much, Lara. I enjoyed sharing that with everyone. Writing about life, can be humorous.