(Semi-Humor) Christmas family gathering, in the big City.

Good morning, everyone. Nice bright sunshine starting off this cool morning. No plans for today, just waiting for the family gathering to take place Sunday. I think I mentioned it is going to be at a restaurant this year. I don’t like crowds anymore, and I certainly don’t like Montgomery, Al. Which barely ranks below Chicago in shootings and murders per year.

I can’t decide on which bulletproof vest to wear. The dark gray one with the ceramic breastplate insert, or the black one with the hardened steel chest insert. So hard to dress for these occasions in Montgomery. Both would be under a shirt anyway. 7 of us will be armed, all fashionably concealed. 3 40s, 2 45s, and 2 9mm. I’m hoping for a large table, near a back entrance, for easy exit with the grandkids. Such a shame to have to joke about this. But in my time living there, I dined in two establishments, as they were robbed, been the victim of an attempted robbery, drove up to two convenience stores while they were being robbed. All that, twenty years ago. It’s no better today.

And before you ask. Yes, it sounds like a big democrat run city, which it is. In the 60s – 70s’s, we had republican mayors and low crime, so effective was the mayor, the mob bosses of the massage parlors he closed down, tried to assassinate him. He served 4 terms, then a democrat got in, and through freebies and handouts, they have remained in power till now. Can’t keep a superintendent of education, because they all skim money or sell favors. They hire black big city police chiefs, the last one from Detroit, who didn’t stay long. We have people moving from there in droves. So if you’re looking for a house, you can get one for 1/3 the original price. There are no upscale areas. Every section of Montgomery has crime or low class thugs living in assisted homes or apartments. The main mall closed down some years ago due to violence. Some areas the police don’t go into. Did I mention they have active gang members on the force? Yea. Maybe it’s to help them relate to the clientele.

For an idea of how crazy it is. The last mayoral election, which the incumbent won. Two candidates had these suggestions. I kid you not. I got to hear them on the news as they spoke in front of the council.

  1. One candidate wanted to draw more chicken places back to the city, like the Popeye chicken restaurants that were popular but had left (due to robberies). He suggested If they had more places like that to meet and hangout, there would be less trouble. I’m not sure which rock he had lived under for the last 20-30 years. But never fear, another candidate outdid him in the stupid department.
  2. Another candidate, said he would have the city build more community centers. To give the young people somewhere to go and hang out, play basketball or sports. Then, they wouldn’t have the energy to go out and do drive-by shootings and fight. Of course, they already have about 9 sitting in disrepair due to crime and drug dealing, causing them to close down. 

But anyway, it’s Christmas, and Millennials think they are bulletproof, so they want to go to a restaurant in Montgomery. I’m going with loose fitting clothes, the black body armor under a festive Santa Sweater, with steel chest insert over the heart, my 40cal and three magazines, Maybe a boot knife. :D Is that overdressed? If you have any suggestions for my ensemble, let me know, I hate to dress tacky when going out.

Michelle will probably sport her boots, 40cal Glock concealed of course, with three magazines, and her diamond stud earrings. They sparkle so nice in the glow of muzzle flashes. She will probably go with her custom purple body armor, under the Christmas sweater I got her last year. Even though it’s a buffet, I’ll eat light. Hard to run at my age, on a full stomach. By the way, I’m wearing my new all black running shoes.


Comments, always welcome.

Christmas Tree

In 1998 Michelle and I had lost everything we owned and were living in a small borrowed 18 foot AirStream trailer. It was complete with scorpions that would hunt for warmth in our bed, as the little trailer had more holes in and around it than Swiss Cheese. Michelle was a real bright spot for the kids and I, so I wrote this for us… It comes from my Collection of Poems

Christmas Tree

There will be no Christmas Tree this year, She says she understands…
Things have happened to us both, that were just out of our hands.
And like the baby Jesus, that had hay for a bed that night…
At least we have a roof and warmth, and can hold each other tight. 

There will be no pretty blinking lights, to brighten up the night…
But the stars are free, and we can see, as we hold each other tight.
And like the baby Jesus, who had his own star on that night…
We will pick our very own, to remind us of this night. 
There will be no Christmas Tree this year, she says she understands…
For some are not as fortunate, as to hold their true love’s hand.
And some will sleep upon the ground, and feel the chill too deep…
Some will drift off quietly, and never wake from sleep. 
There will be no Christmas Tree this year, but I’m glad I have her here…
And we will dream of better times, and dry each other’s tears.
So before you fuss about the gifts, that are not right there to see…
Think about the two of us, We’d settle for your tree.

© Ron Walker, December 1998

Merry Christmas to everyone, from Ron and Michelle.

Almost the end of 2020. Will we make it?

I hope this post finds all of you on the recovery side of Christmas. It was a relatively quiet one for us, the kind I like where you’re not in a gathering of many people you don’t know or recognize. Too many time we celebrate Christmas, and the majority are friends of the kids, or cousins thrice removed that you only see once, when it’s time to feast.

This year, we didn’t have to follow that crowd since the mother-in-law passed (rest her soul). In the past, her side of the family who are involved in the drag-racing circuit, would host a Christmas feast, and we would have to take her. It was more of a redneck event. People getting too much Christmas spirit in a bottle. Ex-husbands bringing their new girlfriend, or whatever title everyone gave her. Who the HECK invites an ex to a family gathering, especially when they are not on good terms. Someone would feel sorry for Bubba Redneck, and invite him. One year, they had the bright idea of hosting the Christmas gathering at a local bar/lounge. We refused to go. Later we heard of the 70-year-old granny table dancing. Too much excitement for me.

Michelle and I sat and sipped hot chocolate, watched the fire in the fireplace. Earlier on Christmas Eve, we had gone to Steven’s home for some snacks. It was just 5 of us there, then two guests of Steven’s came by. Nice quiet gathering. No drunks, ex-whatevers, no cover charge!

We had the tradition of watching Lampoons “Christmas Vacation”. Everyone quoted lines along with Chevy Chase in the movie.

Here’s hoping, 2021 will be a smoother year. Bless you all, and happy blogging!

It’s Officially Christmas, in the TrailerHood.

The official declaration was slow coming this year. Christmas is marked by regular events, for many. Ours was officially started this morning. Reboot, my dear cat and purveyor of all associated with my man-cave. Marked the occasion by barfing a wad of tinsel onto the carpet, along with whatever else is included in such expulsions. Christmas, is here..

We put a tree up this year, just not enough Ho-Ho-Ho spirit to string the lights outside, no stockings hanging over the fireplace. Michelle likes to decorate, but she just isn’t feeling it this year. With the Griswolds visiting, and having to make a decision to maybe place her mother in a home after the holidays.

There is more spirit in the TrailerHood though, we do have one home out of the 40, that has outside inflatable items that are on at night. Maybe there is hope for the world.

Then again, I look out my window and see the Christmas Bows on the mail boxes out front. These are courtesy of the same people, that pay some down on their luck soul $60 to scoop out septic tank waste, into a pickup truck and dump it on someone else’s land. Intolerant of any other religion, support rebel flags, and offer $10 a head bounty on any stray cats you shoot or poison. All between church functions.

Then I think back and smile. Fun memories of the Christmas that it snowed hard, Johnny Reb racing through the snow like a nine-year old on his electric wheel chair, almost running into the concrete ditch out front. Johnny Reb later going to jail for vacation. Then the Summer, that they harassed the guy in the small trailer that occasionally had black friends visit. They charged him twice for not cutting his grass quickly. He sprayed his yard with a special formula that stunted and browned the grass, but didn’t kill it completely. The time they got caught and fined by EPA, for dumping human waste on someones land. Yes, the smallest things can bring joy when you remember them.

So I recline on my couch resting my warm socked feet on the coffee table, and watch as my wife’s Great Dane, comes through the living room, dragging one of the Griswold’s wiener dogs by its chest harness. A little blue tab of its built-in poop bag sticking up from its harness container like a decoration. Yes, life is good.

So have a Merry Christmas and remember, you’re alive and can enjoy it with loved ones. Now, I must go and fix my coffee and empty the pitcher that should now be full, from the roof leak.

Comments always welcome,